Forest Warrior (1996)

How bad is it? It's a poor children's film. It's Chuck Norris' worst.
Should you see it? It has a couple of very funny moments. Use it to introduce your kids to films that suck.

This is the film in which Chuck Norris stops a running chain saw with his bare hands. It also has a lumberjack dance sequence and a killer chipmunk. The plot has Chuck saved in the woods by a bear, a wolf and a hawk and, realizing what a great guy he is, allow him to channel their spirits whenever he desires (just go with it). He and a bunch of kids stop evil lumberjacks from destroying a forest. Unfortunately, there's little of Chuck - and then he turns into a bear or something - and a lot of the annoying kids. It's fun to spot all the TV regulars: Terry Kiser, Max Gail, Roscoe Lee Browne, William Sanderson, Loretta Swit, Wil Shriner and even George "Buck" Flower! Unlike almost every film on this blog, the cinematography is excellent. It's just the plot that's terrible.

Forbidden Flesh: As Seen from a Hayloft in the Hills (1966)

How bad is it? It's a very minor sex farce by a terrible director.
Should you see it? No. It was impossible to find before being briefly released by Something Weird Video.

Barry Mahon shows up a lot on this blog, as he was prolific - and a poor director. I saw this decades ago and my memories may not be correct. The plot has a guy from the big city with his car breaking down and he stays in the hay loft of a barn (with a farmer's two daughters). There's footage from other films spliced in, a lot of nudity and an ending suggesting a shotgun wedding. I seem to recall that it was more watchable than most of Mahon's films, but still nothing worth seeking out.

The Forbidden Dance (1990)

How bad is it? It wasn't even the best Lambada movie released that day.
Should you see it? I'd say not.

There was no Lambada craze, despite an attempt to create one. I have yet to meet anyone who can explain how to do it. There was some word of a sexy dance from South America "sweeping the world" that was already extinct by the time this was released. Interestingly, the film "Lambada" was released on the exact same day (and it's a little better). This film has a rain forest princess using the popularity of the dance to educate people about the plight of the rain forest in Brazil. There's a couple of moments of "oh, I forgot about that band!" moments with Kid Creole and the Coconuts andThe Dream Machine. Jose' Feliciano and Expose' are also on the soundtrack, being the only high points of the film.

Foodfight! (2012)

How bad is it? It sat on a shelf for years before being released (and disowned).
Should you see it? No.

Rex (Dex?) Dogtective, voiced by Charlie Sheen, with friends voiced by Hillary Duff and Wayne Brady, fight the evil Lady X (Eva Longoria) to keep the supermarket shelves free from Brand X products. The animation sucks, especially given a reported $65,000,000 budget. The plot is threadbare and the dialog is completely unsuitable for children the age the film aims to please. Dozens of advertising icons, like Charlie Tuna and Mr. Clean, appear. I'm guessing that this was originally intended to be a new "Toy Story," but it's more of a new "Ishtar" or "Waterworld."

The Fog (2005)

How bad is it? It's a poor remake of a mediocre film with nothing new.
Should you see it? No.

Remaking a great horror film just makes one look bad in comparison; remaking a mediocre horror film just shows that a poor script can't be salvaged. Ghosts seeking revenge on the descendants of their killers simply aren't scary. John Carpenter's film was dull, but this film has nothing he had, including originality and a decent cast; Selma Blair is the only recognizable name in the cast.

Flu Bird Horror (2008)

aka Flu Birds

How bad is it? It's a Sci-Fi film directed by Leigh Scott. That means it sucks.
Should you see it? You've seen a dozen better versions of this already.

A group of teenagers in a prison camp has its leader killed by a giant bird and they have to make it out of the woods before getting killed. A mutated form of bird flu turns people zombie-like and may go airborne. Government agents (all with curious accents) try to stop the giant birds, whose origin is never explained, by an explosion, but we don't know if it worked. Or if the hospital version was stopped. Or if the teens got away. But who cares, as long as teenagers have sex in the woods and shoot giant birds with shotguns?

Flight to Hell (2003)

How bad is it? It's ludicrous and has bad effects.
Should you see it? It has a few minor laughs. Don't go out of your way to see it.

A blob from outer space hits a private jet/arcade/casino and there are alien eggs that become monsters and then enter people, turning them into monsters, too. It's slow, has poor sound, has flat camerawork and features a lot of poorly done CGI effects. There are stewardesses (not flight attendants) in miniskirts, sitting with legs spread over mirrors - it's just that classy. The fun of the movie is in the weapons used to kill the critters: golf club, axe, lopping shears, flame thrower, all things you couldn't imagine writing into a script about an airplane!