Mind Trap (1984)

aka Danger USA

This is a rare VHS mindless actioner that I ended up enjoying. A scientist that has developed a mind control device and an ability to come back from the dead (just to get killed again) is killed with all of his family excepting one daughter, which daughter then seeks revenge and tries to uncover the cover-up and stop the evil guy bent on world domination. Dan Haggerty and Lyle Waggoner have cameos, which is why I watched this. There's a woman who does a terrible Russian accent. There's silly shoot-outs and an ending that's truly implausible. It's nothing special, but it's been a while since I could sit through a film I reviewed and not wish I were watching something else.

Living Dead Lock Up 2: March of the Dead (2007)

The first film in this series (number 4 is being shot) had the clever idea of being chased by zombies when confined to a prison; it unfortunately made little of that. This second film takes place in a hospital, rather than the prison and as far as "March of the Dead" goes, there's never more than 3 or 4 zombies on screen. The hospital seems to have a total of 4 people, including staff and patients. It's extremely low budget (under $1000), but has nothing to make up for that. What more do I need to say?

The Last Zombi Hunter (2010)

This is the third part of a trilogy made in England by a guy whose budget is way south of $100 - really - and looks it. He gets people to volunteer to be in it wherever he happens to be shooting. There's a Nazi zombie. There's a cameo by Lloyd Kaufman (he's not part of the plot - it was added). There's very poor gore. The hero has a thick northern England accent (I'm not good at these - Newcastle, maybe?) and speaks in falsetto. The continuity is non-existent.

Legion of the Night (1995)

aka Dead City

This is a standard cheapo zombie flick with Ron Asheton of The Stooges in a role. A doctor gets blackmailed by the mob to create "cybernetic zombie assassins" to do their hits. Then there's a glitch, of course, followed, of course, by a rampage. The doctor's son is killed, but becomes a zombie so he can fight them on their own terms. The plot is bad and nothing is done with it. The acting and direction are particularly bad and sometimes cringeworthy. The effects are about what you'd expect given the budget. Most people would consider this terrible, but having seen so many of these things, I can say it's far from the worst out there.

Lizard Boy (2011)

I suppose it was inevitable that someone would make a "Zaat" or "Hideous Sun Demon" remake and this is close to it. A man is left by his wife for his inability to produce a child, but he's a geneticist, so he joins his DNA to a lizard's to create an offspring. He then watches MMA fighting on TV with his "son" while they get high on weed, before the inevitable rampage. The film doesn't know whether or not it's supposed to be a parody - there's some intentional jokes, the mask and tail make-up are silly, the fight choreography is minimalist and the acting, cinematography, editing and directing are... acceptable for this level of film making.

Loony in the Woods (2006)

Released by Troma in 2013 - on VHS - this is a British partial-spoof of slasher films. In a little more than an hour, there's a face pushed onto a barbecue grill, an arm chopped off, fireworks strapped to a head and ignited, impalement with eye gouged out, electrocution and a face flayed. The characters are just fodder for the killer, whose identity is revealed at the end; he wears a ski mask throughout the film and seeing him at the end means nothing. It's very slapdash and amusing in small doses.

Locusts (2005)

aka Locusts: day of Destruction, aka Locusts: The 8th Plague

This is a strictly by-the-numbers insect attack film from the SyFy network, starring Lucy Lawless and with John Heard and Mike Farrell in support. A breed of locusts that grow and reproduce rapidly, eat anything - including people - and can't be killed by pesticides is developed and, of course, accidentally released. There's little tension, development or surprise.