Thursday, May 18, 2017

The Roller Blade Seven (1991), Return of the Roller Blade Seven (1991) and Legend of the Roller Blade Seven (1992)

How bad is it? Among the worst-made films done by supposed professionals.
Should you see it? Fuck no.

This installment of Donald G. Jackson's Roller Blade franchise ups the number of names collecting a check (Scott Shaw, Frank Stallone, Karen Black, Don Stroud, Big Bill Smith, Joe Estevez, Rhonda Shear, Jill Kelly) and removes all plot. This was what Jackson and Shaw went on to call "zen film" - making a film spontaneously - so there's no plot, beyond roller skating sword fighter Shaw battling assorted... er, ninjas? punks?  and rescuing women in swimsuits. Dialogue gets repeated, scenes are slap-edited together and not much happens. There were, amazingly, more sequels.

"Return of the Roller Blade Seven" and "Legend of the Roller Blade Seven" are more of the same. I can't tell if footage not used in earlier films is used in the later ones and I don't really care. Much of the cast returns in each, often with different character names.

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