Friday, June 22, 2018

Rambu (1986)

aka The Intruder
This film has one of the most fanatical fanbases I've seen; it's an entertainingly bad action film, but you get the impression online that it's the greatest thing ever. Directed by Jopi Burnama (who did the Troma-retitled "Ferocious Female Freedom Fighters") and starring Peter O'Brian ( who I enjoyed in "The Stabilizer"),this is about a guy getting revenge for his wife's death. He doesn't go full-on Rambo until the final act, which is most memorable because the same stunt guy dies over and over and over. The entire film was re-dubbed and the music and voices all are off. There are times when you wonder if it was meant as a parody, rather than a straight action film; our hero dispatches a number of people with a rubber ball, for example. There's action scenes done in slow motion and then sped up to make our hero seem even faster, but you can see guys having trouble balancing motorized bikes at the slow speed. It's definitely worth a watch, especially if you're a 80's action junkie.



Thursday, June 21, 2018

Rage to Kill (1988)

aka battle Wars, aka Guerilla Force
This is a fun action film, where a drunken Oliver Reed (in a hot tub) makes even Cameron Mitchell riding a bicycle seem good in comparison; Reed's role is small, however. It's the story of a race car driver and former soldier who rescues his brother, who's a medical student in the Caribbean (holy Grenada, Batman!). There's a rocket-propelled car, a death by helicopter blade and girls aerobicising. There's the usual good guys who can't miss and bad guys who can't hit anything and bad special effects. There's racism, sex and nudity - but not at the same time and soldiers being forced at gunpoint to run in place in bikini briefs.



Wednesday, June 20, 2018

Rage of a Ninja (1988)

aka Rage of Ninja, aka Rage of the Ninja




Thought I was done with Godfrey Ho ninja films from 1988? Nope. This one splices together two films that had ninjas in them with new ninja footage, yet this has less ninja action than most Ho films. The climactic battle ends with a guy turning into feathers - I think. Still, you get to watch a woman wash her leg and see people play badminton to a disco version of the E.T. theme. There's also rapists having a barbecue on the beach. The story has a guy find his wife in bed with another man and he may or not kill him by throwing a drink in his face, but he gets called a murderer throughout the rest of the film. Then he goes on the lam. There's another story tangentially tied in of trying to find the manual that will make one the ultimate ninja (no one ever reads the manual in real life). Mostly, the film is dull talky scenes.

Tuesday, June 19, 2018

Quest for the Egg Salad (2002)



Early on this blog, I said life was too short to review Andy Milligan movies and I've reviewed a dozen. Now I say life's too short to watch Chris Seaver films (I reviewed Mulva already) and yet I watched this turd. Stealing its title and theme from "What's Up, Tiger Lily?" this is a Lord of the Rings type film parody, complete with Teen Ape (a guy in the world's cheapest ape mask who makes cameos in all of these) and a cameo by Lloyd Kaufman. There's maybe three locations and perhaps ten minutes were spent coming up with the humor. Your friends and a camcorder could make a better film.




Monday, June 18, 2018

Pinocchio (2002)






This is a strange case: the original Italian film is good, but the dubbed version for the U.S. release is very bad, mostly due to very bad dubbing. Roberto Benigni stars, but he's voiced by child Breckin Meyer. Other voices include Glenn Close, David Suchet, John Cleese, Topher Grace, Cheech Marin, Eddie Griffin, Kevin James, Regis Philbin, Jim Belushi, Eric Idle and Queen Latifah. The plot follows the original story closely, with some scenes that might be tough for its intended audience - Pinocchio gets hanged, for example. Like all Benigni films, there's slapstick comedy and he's a gifted physical comedian. Unfortunately, it's hard to get past the weirdness and melancholy.




Sunday, June 17, 2018

Pterodactyl (2005)


Still another SyFy film, this one was directed my Mark Lester, whose done some good films and he manages to make this cheap monster movie a little better than most SyFy films. Then again, it has Coolio as an Army captain, so it also has more faults than the usual bad CGI (and in one case, a very bad hand puppet). An earthquake causes pterodactyl eggs in a volcano in Turkey to hatch, though they're millions of years old and Turkey looks surprisingly verdant. Characters have names like Lovecraft, Burroughs, Zelazny and Heinlein. Weapons that don't look very authentic also don't seem very effective. The monster carries off the female lead - without even scratching her - and the rest of the film is rescue and kill the monster. Meh.



Saturday, June 16, 2018

Puppet Master X: Axis Rising (2012)

aka Puppet Master 10 - Axis Rising

Puppet Master films are probably beyond criticism; if you've seen the first nine, you'll see this one, though it's the worst one (and reportedly will be the last). Charles Band directed for once. There's four new villain puppets: one that shoots bullets from its bra (not exactly new idea), a werewolf, a half-tank, and a living bomb. There's nine kills, mostly by bullet or knife, the sole odd one by vomiting a leech into a mouth. The puppets aren't as well-made as in earlier films of the series and the acting is poor. I forget the plot - I'm not sure it matters.