Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Wacko (1982)

How bad is it? Poor horror spoof.
Should you see it? Maybe. Some love it (I didn't). Probably not, though.

It's Halloween prom night (!) and the pumpkinheaded lawnmower killer (!) is back after 13 years. With a cast including Joe Don Baker, Stella Stevens, George Kennedy, Julia Duffy, Andrew Dice Clay and Charles Napier, how could this horror spoof go wrong? Well, every gag misfires. In fact, there aren't really jokes - it's more like: here's a reference to a horror film that you'll get, so laugh, damn it! The film has a lot of people who are fond of it, so maybe it's just me, but I think it's bad.

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Virtual Encounters (1996)

How bad is it? Plotless soft-core porn.
Should you see it? Nah.

Woman tries to get in touch with her sensual side with a virtual reality device and ends up in dull, fairly conventional scenarios. Somehow, this has a sequel.

Monday, October 16, 2017

Virgin High (1991)

How bad is it? Failed attempt to re-create "Screwballs," which was itself mediocre.
Should you see it? It's only for fans of the cast.

Girl gets sent to a Catholic girls' school and her boyfriend tries to see her. Linnea Quigley, Burt Ward and Michelle Bauer are in it, as are the requisite topless scenes and groan-worthy attempts at humor.

Sunday, October 15, 2017

Violent New Breed (1997)

How bad is it? Cheap gore film with some ideas.
Should you see it? Ugh. If you're a regular viewer of bad films, you should probably see one Todd Sheets film and this would be the one.

I'm not a fan of Todd Sheets - and there are plenty of reviews on this blog that prove it - but this exercise in excess is sort of watchable. There's plenty of gore and violence in close-up (the teeth being pulled bothered me particularly - for personal reasons), as is usual for his shot-on-video projects, but there's something more for once. Demons have got men hooked on a drug so that they can breed with human women and create the titular new breed and usher in the antichrist and end of days. There's worm-like creatures coming from a head wound, a tentacle from a gut, a birth scene with a surprise... and then the coup de grace: Rudy Ray Moore (!) as an ass-kicking minister! Given that the budget was close to zero, there's a lot of extras in crowd shots, some effects are good and the music (metal/industrial, mostly also by Sheets) is more than competent. Certainly not for all tastes.

Saturday, October 14, 2017

Vibrations (1996)

How bad is it? Silly, cliche'd and weird.
Should you see it? Yes. This has developed a following among bad film enthusiasts.

I saw this when it came out and was underwhelmed. It developed a cult following, so I re-watched it and, boy howdy* did it age badly!

James Marshall plays a musician who loses both hands when he encounters some rednecks, then becomes a wino and flops in a warehouse where there's a rave and Christina Applegate discovers him - and brings him home, thinking apparently that a shower was all he needed. Then she gets friends to make robotic hands for him, which, naturally, leads to his portraying a robot DJ at raves and becoming an underground sensation. The film hits every implausible hackneyed idea, including a reunion with a distant father (who, of course, is a cop - and this, of course, leads to Dad getting even with the guys who maimed his son... and while this is a long digression, let it be pointed out that he knows they're the bad guys because Marshall vaguely nods, once, and not even toward anyone). The fake rubber hands are the worst part and account for the most laughs - they get stabbed (leading, of course, to the stabber running away in fright), they get burned (of course, heroically putting out a fire) and they paw oddly in a romantic scene - no wait, it's the giant robotic hands in the love scene. Remarkably, if you're into techno music from 1993, the soundtrack's quite good.

*I have no idea why I used that expression. I never have before, never will again.

Friday, October 13, 2017

Vegas in Space (1991)

How bad is it? Plotless camp.
Should you see it? Yes, if your tolerance for drag queens is high enough or you're high enough.

"Based on the party by Ginger Quest," this took years to make, apparently, and yet there isn't any real plot. Men are sent to investigate an all-female planet, so have to take sex-change pills and then the film is just a bunch of party scenes with drag queens, ridiculous miniatures, sets made of bed sheets and a few good one-liners, e.g. "Shoot on sight anyone wearing beige." It was probably more fun to make than it is to watch.

Thursday, October 12, 2017

The lost films of Steve Postal

This was supposed to be a review of "Vampires from Outer Space," but I got ripped off and never got to see it - if it even exists any more. Beware the dark web.

Steve Postal directed 5 to 7 films from 1990-1991, though only Honeymoon Murders and its sequel are currently listed on IMDb and are apparently still available from his distribution company. Missing are:

Billy the Kid Meets the Vampires (1991)

Billy the outlaw goes on vacation, only to run into the titular vampires. Bad acting ensues. 114 minutes. Starring Michael K. Saunders, Debra Orth, Angela Shephard. I'm told the artwork on the box is "amazing" - which probably means hand-drawn.

Penpal Murders (1991)

Penpal visits and, eventually, kills. 118 minutes. Starring Jay Brockman, Jennifer Tuck, Angela Shephard.

Vampires from Outer Space (1990)

Vampire from the planet Cirrus marries earth man, takes groom to an island where strange things occur. 114 minutes. Starring Alan Ramey, Angela Shephard, Jennifer Tuck.
There are some stories online about Postal, such as his self-publishing a novel, then requiring those auditioning for his films to buy a copy to use as a script. It's likely that he changed his own IMDb listing (changing from "Steven" to "Steve" as he's billed in the films) and removed films that had received poor reviews by the handful that had seen them.