Friday, September 22, 2017

Teen Vamp (1988)

How bad is it? Fails as both horror and comedy.
Should you see it? No.

This film tries to be a throwback to the 1950's monster flicks, but uses cars from the 1950's and hair and clothes from the 1980's (and several anachronisms, such as flags with too many stars, advertising logos, etc.) and a plot from Bad Movie 101. A nerd takes up with a prostitute, who turns out to be a vampire and she turns him into a vampire, which suddenly makes him (inexplicably) cool and strong enough to beat up the bullies that tormented him. His mother doesn't like the change and gets an exorcism planned (though that isn't traditionally the way t stop vampires). Everything's cheap, which one expects, but it's also deadly dull.

Thursday, September 21, 2017

Teen Sorcery (1999)

How bad is it? Lame and sometimes laughable.
Should you see it? Not really, though I have a soft spot for Canadian/Romanian films.

This is one of hundreds of films about teenage girls involved in witchcraft and one of six films made by a Canadian production team with a Romanian crew in less than a year (I'm trying to track down some of the others). It starts well, with some iffy special effects, bogs down in the middle and then shifts gears and becomes a completely different film. Two cheerleaders each have half of a magic amulet and vie for power in high school, summoning the dark lord to move a test to another day and to bring them pizza - you know, as you do when you have such power at hand. The acting is cheesy (and the accents do not match it's supposed locale at all, in fact don't match each other), but it's when there's a wormhole in a locker that brings them to a medieval land and a girl turns into a poorly-rendered dragon that you really wonder why you're still watching. Aimed at tweens, presumably.

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

TeenAlien (1978)

aka Varrow Mission

How bad is it? Made by teenagers, and looks it.
Should you see it? Sure. It has it's low-rent charms.

Available in two versions on VHS, this story follows a group of teens decorating an old mill for a Halloween party. Why they're wearing costumes days ahead of the party isn't explained, except the story doesn't work without it. You see, the one dressed as an alien... is actually an alien and hunts the rest of the cast. The kids are all squeaky clean (even for Utah) and none can act, but the film is one of the first of those "anyone can make a film" things that got released in the '80's. The monster is cheap, of course, and not frightening.

Saturday, September 16, 2017

More bad news

While other things are getting better for me, this blog has a problem. I lost the list of the next 80 films I was going to review and my notes on them. I also lost the back-up of just the list of films. I also lost some of the original source material, so I can't recreate the list.

It's gonna be a while, folks.

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

All hell breaks loose

Sorry - this blog's hiatus will be longer than expected. Lots of personal stuff to tend to.

Sunday, September 3, 2017

Temp post

I just finished with the "S's." I thought that would never end. Now I need a week off to do other things.

Surf II (1984)

How bad is it? Dated silly comedy.
Should you see it? If you're old enough to remember 1984, it has its moments, so yes.

This has a terrifically weird cast. Eddie Deezen stars as a nerd (of course) who gets revenge on a group of surfers by giving them plutonium laced cola, which turns them into zombies with a punk esthetic (mohawks, ripped clothes, etc.). Ruth Buzzi, Lyle Waggoner, Cleavon Little, Linda Kerridge, Carol Wayne, Eric Stoltz, Terry Kiser, Ron Palillo and Brinke Stevens are all in it. There's a great soundtrack, featuring bands like Oingo Boingo. The humor is spotty, and often dated and politically incorrect - and Deezen's an acquired taste to be sure - but there are a couple of good laughs.