Robo-Kickboxer - Power of Justice (1992)

aka Rings Untouchable, aka Kickboxer Robocop

Of course, with a title like this, it's a prison escape film! No, really. The film starts with a guy in a cheap space suit (or maybe Daft Punk inspired motorcycle gear) in a boxing ring. He's an hallucination. The other fighter turns out to have been dosed with chemicals that were supposed to make him a better fighter but definitely cause hallucinations. This fighter retires from the ring, needs money, gets involved in a drug deal that goes wrong, goes to prison, meets some guys, they all escape and go their separate ways... and then the guy goes back to the ring, dosed again with drugs. It's on YouTube (as "Rings Untouchable"), so you can see for yourself. It's not good and not really enjoyable.

Return of Superman (1979)

aka Turkish Superman

There are probably a half-dozen Turkish films about Superman, but this seems to be the only one with subtitles in English. It follows the Christopher Reeve version fairly closely, with a bit of the 1930's Adventures of Captain Marvel thrown in. Our hero, upon graduation from high school (at about age 30 it appears), is informed by his parents that he's not human; "I know," he says, "I read your mind." Most of the laughs in this come from the fact that the hero is pretty scrawny for the role and his flying is obviously green screened in front of stock footage, inter-cut with an obvious puppet. The shot of stars in the night sky is obviously just Christmas lights. The music, mostly lifted from John Williams scores and sounding third-generation or worse in quality, is amusing. Running just over an hour, the story runs about the way you'd expect. And, yes, as is always amusing to American audiences, the director's first name is Kunt.

Repligator (1996)

Yikes. This film is about a military science experiment to create super soldiers that goes wrong and turns people into sexy horny women who, when they get aroused, develop alligator heads. It has Brinke Stevens and, in a cameo, Gunnar Hansen. It also has x-ray specs and gay zombies. What it doesn't have is a reason for existing. It looks like it was thrown together with minimal effort.

Remember the Goal (2016)

Another Christian film from the Christiano brothers, but this one's about a cross-country running coach and I am a cross-country running coach, so I should like this one. As it happens, that makes it worse. There's a creepiness in focusing on the girls' bodies as they run, as well as in the classroom, where short skirts seem to be a uniform of sorts. The coach's secret plan to help her team to victory is... pacing, which is something the film itself sadly lacks, but which is not exactly revolutionary in running. The lead actress is so deadpan that, when she tells a joke, you don't notice it at first. There's some howlers among the dialogue, some scenes that could only happen in Christian films and some supposedly healthy relationships that made me cringe.

The Refrigerator (1991)

This is not bad. I think people are confusing it with "Attack of the Killer Refrigerator," which came out about the same time and IS a bad short film. In this, a couple find an amazingly cheap apartment in NYC, knowing that there must be something wrong. Well, the refrigerator is a portal to hell and it also messes with people's minds. The film doesn't know whether to be a comedy or a horror film, but manages to be weird enough to maintain a modicum of interest. It starts poorly and ends with over-the-top gore, but it's mostly meandering subplots and dream sequences.

Rambu (1986)

aka The Intruder

This film has one of the most fanatical fanbases I've seen; it's an entertainingly bad action film, but you get the impression online that it's the greatest thing ever. Directed by Jopi Burnama (who did the Troma-retitled "Ferocious Female Freedom Fighters") and starring Peter O'Brian ( who I enjoyed in "The Stabilizer"),this is about a guy getting revenge for his wife's death. He doesn't go full-on Rambo until the final act, which is most memorable because the same stunt guy dies over and over and over. The entire film was re-dubbed and the music and voices all are off. There are times when you wonder if it was meant as a parody, rather than a straight action film; our hero dispatches a number of people with a rubber ball, for example. There's action scenes done in slow motion and then sped up to make our hero seem even faster, but you can see guys having trouble balancing motorized bikes at the slow speed. It's definitely worth a watch, especially if you're a 80's action junkie.

Rage to Kill (1988)

aka battle Wars, aka Guerilla Force

This is a fun action film, where a drunken Oliver Reed (in a hot tub) makes even Cameron Mitchell riding a bicycle seem good in comparison; Reed's role is small, however. It's the story of a race car driver and former soldier who rescues his brother, who's a medical student in the Caribbean (holy Grenada, Batman!). There's a rocket-propelled car, a death by helicopter blade and girls aerobicising. There's the usual good guys who can't miss and bad guys who can't hit anything and bad special effects. There's racism, sex and nudity - but not at the same time and soldiers being forced at gunpoint to run in place in bikini briefs.