Friday, July 25, 2014

Jurassic Shark (2011)

[Day 6 of Shark Week]

How bad is it? It's the worst shark movie.
Should you see it? Absolutely not. There's exactly one laugh and it's a small one.

This photo saves you watching the film. It's all there is to see.
I've lost count of how many movies have had this title ("Shark Attack 3: Megalodon" had this as a title at one point and may have been the first). I imagine the film got made this way:

I just got a great idea. Jurassic Shark!
Ha. That's amazing. I wonder if it's copyrighted. If it isn't, we should get one.
A copyright might take a week and several hundred dollars. Let's just make the movie.
Yeah! It's cheaper AND faster.

This film exists solely to illustrate exactly the hottest girls you can get for a film by merely making a film. Not one can act, of course.

The plot has an oil company drilling through ice in a lake, releasing a giant prehistoric shark. The fact that the lake's warm enough for swimming is already confusing, but a group of students show up on the island for a vacation, because deserted islands is where everyone goes. And to prove that, a group of art thieves are also on the island - because nothing's better for art than salt water and sand. The movie unspools exactly as you would expect until the very end, where the makers apparently felt if you got that far you'd watch anything, so thy make the shark fly. It's not exactly flying, but it's more of a leap than in "Free Willy."

The makers, too, can take a giant leap, for what it's worth.

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