Moving Target (1988)

How bad is it? Very shoddy and confusing, but technically okay.
Should you see it? Only if you're a Linda Blair fan or Ernest Borgnine completist.

This is NOT the Justin Bateman TV film of the same name and same year, but an obscure VHS-only film with Ernest Borgnine, Linda Blair and Stuart Whitman. Motorcyclist is killing people for a key. A blonde girl is topless for no reason throughout the film. There's Borgnine as a detective and a reporter, a tennis pro and a doctor and none of them are Linda Blair, whose role I never really figured out. There's some odd line deliveries, perhaps due to the Italian director, some typically bad 1980's fashions and a plot that's impossible to follow or care about.

The Might Gorga (1966)

How bad is it? It's one of the worst giant gorilla films, which is a big field.
Should you see it? Sure.

Scott Brady and Anthony Eisley are the biggest names in this extremely poor King Kong wannabe film. There's an extremely long expedition to a plateau with plenty of stock footage and a witch doctor that's embarrassing. There's a bad actress love interest. There's a T-Rex that's sort of a hand puppet just shook in front of the camera. And then there's the monster, seen only from the waist up (I hope this was an attempt to make him look bigger, but I think they only had half a costume) and with mismatched eyes and non-moving mouth.

The Man With Two Heads (1972)

aka Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Blood

How bad is it? The worst Jekyll and Hyde film.
Should you see it? No.

I think most people find this looking for either "The Man with Two Brains" or "The Thing with Two Heads." It's yet another Andy Milligan piece of shit. This one was filmed while he was in England and has a somewhat coherent plot, as it follows the story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, though in this film he's called Mr. Daniel Blood. R.L. Stevenson's name is misspelled in the credits. This could have been a good film in capable hands, as it explores the sadistic and misogynistic Jack the Ripper-esque side of the character's personality (something Milligan explores in every film). Blood kills his assistant, a prostitute and his fiancee', all with Milligan's unsteady camera, poor montage and cheap makeup. It surprisingly does well in keeping with the time frame of the story, which Milligan usually skip. So, it's one of the most competent of Milligan's film, but also one of the duller ones.

Miami Golem (1985)

aka Miami Horror, aka Cosmos Killer

How bad is it? Quite bad cheap action/horror film.
Should you see it? The plot's so weird that I'll say yes.

Criminals steal DNA a scientist cloned from a meteorite and was growing into a psychic mutant baby. The bad guy, played by John Ireland, wants to create a slave race and take over the world. Then there's something about Atlantis and good aliens in disguise and way too much plot before it devolves into boat chases in the Everglades and a helicopter being shot down with a pistol. Though the action scenes are pretty good, one shot appears to have been repeated twice due to poor editing. The dubbing from Italian isn't great and the synthesizer soundtrack borrows heavily from Harold Faltermeyer and Jan Hammer. There is no golem involved.

Metalstorm: Destruction of Jared-Syn (1983)

How bad is it? Messy "Road Warrior" clone with hit-and-miss effects.
Should you see it? Sure. Everyone should see one Charles Band film and this is a prime example.

This has a loyal cult following, as does every early film directed by Charles Band. There are roles for Tim Thomerson, Richard Moll (as a cyclops - makeup covers one eye), Kelly Preston and Michael Preston (who plays Jared-Syn and apparently is no relation to Kelly). Taking some ideas from "Star Wars," this is largely "Road Warrior" type car chases in the desert near Bryce Canyon, with some entertaining 3-D effects. There's a lot of padding, with characters just wandering around. The whole plot consists of trying to take down a bad guy who's collecting people's souls in a crystal. In the end, the evil Jared-Syn just goes away to leave room for a never-made sequel, so even the title is wrong.

Mercenary 2: Thick and Thin (1999)

How bad is it? Very minor action film with comedy attempts.
Should you see it? No.

This may make bad film lists simply because it was directed by Philippe Mora and has Olivier Gruner in it. Robert Townsend is kidnapped in the jungles of... Central America maybe?... and Olivier Gruner and Nick Turturro are mercenaries who try to rescue him only to find out that they've been set up. Sound familiar? Claudia Christian plays the love interest. The film jackknifes between action and comedy uncomfortably and none of it is terribly interesting.

Maximum Security (1997)

aka Maximum Revenge

How bad is it? It's one of the worst prison films I've seen. And I've seen plenty.
Should you see it? No.

The supposed maximum security prison is obviously just an empty office building. Five prisoners are brought in, there's a little bit of a reporter getting a tour and then terrorists infiltrate and plant a bomb (nuclear, of course). So, it's 5 unarmed cons, the female reporter and the warden vs. the bad guys. The hero disappears for half of the film without explanation. Tense scenes are interrupted for extended sex scenes. The conclusion consists of snipping a wire. Fred Olen Ray directed and gave himself a role; also appearing are Michelle Bauer and John Lazar.