Burglar from Hell (1993)

How bad is it? 9
How unintentionally bad is it? 7
How enjoyably bad is it? 3

This inexplicably got some positive reviews from fans of low budget schlock, perhaps because the director went on to better things, or because a topless Debbie D kicks off a man's penis (easily the most interesting thing in the film). An old woman kills a guy who burglarizes her house, she buries him in the back yard and, after she dies, some brainless young people move in and have a seance, bringing back the burglar. After the initial kill, nothing happens for an entire hour. Shot on video (now on DVD, taken from a poor VHS print), the film, as I must be saying for the 1000th time on this blog, was frequently underlit. This is a typical slasher, cheaper than most, less interesting than most.

Bruce Lee Against Supermen (1975)

aka Bruce Lee vs. the Supermen, aka Call Me Dragon, aka Superdragon vs. Superman

How bad is it? 9
How unintentionally bad is it? 7
How enjoyably bad is it? 8

This might be my new favorite Bruceploitation film. First of all, the heroes are called the Green Hornet and one of the two is Bruce Li. Then, the bad guys are sort of giggling mimes wearing monkeyish devil masks. Then there's a catfight in a shower without nudity. Then there's a car chase that takes 10 minutes and never breaks any traffic laws, including speeding. There's some noodly prog rock synthesizer music that doesn't match the action. There's some horrendous dubbing. The plot involves a scientist who's discovered a way to make food from petroleum byproducts and who needs rescuing.

Boo! A Madea Halloween (2016)

aka Tyler Perry's Boo! A Madea Halloween

How bad is it? 5
How unintentionally bad is it? 5
How enjoyably bad is it? 3

I've got a bunch of Tyler Perry films to review and I didn't enjoy any of them. Granted, I'm not the target audience, but I was hoping a horror comedy would manage either horror or comedy. This has a girl wanting to go to a frat house for a party sneaking out, then her family calling the cops on them, then the frat retaliating and then, an hour into the film there's supposed zombies and paranormal activity, which gets explained away in time for the film to deliver a moral lesson in the most grating way imaginable. The humor failed. The horror failed. Technically, even the lighting failed at points, for a professional crew.

Bionic Ninja (1986)

aka Ninja in the Killing Field

How bad is it? 8
How unintentionally bad is it? 4
How entertainingly bad is it? 6

Still one more Godfrey Ho cut-and-splice-films-together deal, this one has no bionic ninja in it. There's a guy who is sent on a mission to find a secret film, but has to deal with KGB ninjas (really, that makes as much sense as anything in a Ho film). Unfortunately, there's a whole 'nother film spliced in that's very talky and so poorly dubbed as to be entertaining... for a minute, maybe. There's very little ninja action until the dockyard showdown at the end, where our hero becomes a red ninja fighting a white ninja, switching the usual Ho dynamic of the good guys wearing white.

Oh my God, I just did a historical Ho sentence.

It's not the loopiest of Ho's films, as he seems to have hired the actors of the original film(s) to appear in new scenes together, to tie it together. Unfortunately, one gained weight and another changed his hairstyle, so there's no continuity. It's a middling Ho - for enthusiasts only.

Bimini Code (1983)

aka Raiders of the Lost Code

How bad is it? 8
How unintentionally bad is it? 10
How entertainingly bad is it? 6

If Andy Sidaris hadn't made films, this might be better known; as it is, it's almost impossible to find on VHS, but someone's uploaded it to YouTube, so you can watch it (for now, anyway). Two girls who do a lot of scuba diving find a can on the beach that gives them a clue to a woman who runs a drug ring, but whose main drive is finding an ancient Mayan (?) nuclear source code. There's some chase scenes, motorcycles and horses, and a lot of underwater nonsense. There's a plot point lifted directly from "Raiders of the Lost Ark" (note the alternate title), unless they came up with it independently and simultaneously; this may be why it's obscure. There's a very short cameo by Hulk Hogan (!) which may be why this thing still exists. The story drags and is full of holes, one actress is quite bad, there's laughably bad music, there's obvious use of stock footage and there's even some nonsense that had to be pointed out to me by someone who watched it with me: the women communicate with each other at distance without equipment, as if they're psychic. One of the girls, in a tiny blue bikini, gets tied up, gets all sweaty and then bounces up and down for no good reason, except that it seems to free her hands - and this is the high point of the film - then she finds the exact tools she would need to escape conveniently placed an arm's length away. It repetitious and silly, but I actually enjoyed it in a put-your-brain-on-hold sort of way. It might have been planned as a TV pilot, it has the right look and it has no nudity or swearing.

Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2 (2011)

How bad is it? 7
How unintentionally bad is it? 4
How entertainingly bad is it? 2

If your kids were into the racist stereotypes of the original, they get more here, but without any of that annoying talent to get in the way. George Lopez returned, but no one else did and the director of this seems to have made a career of straight-to-video sequels of children's films. The two main dogs of the first film get married and have pups; there's a mortgage to pay so the dogs enter a dog show (where one plays the piano) and there's a bank robbery and... there's a lot of costume changes and bad attempts at humor. Really, there's no point in describing this beyond "it's dogs in costumes" and, if that's enough for you, there's something called the internet that's full of it.

Bermuda Tentacles (2014)

How bad is it? 8
How unintentionally bad is it? 7
How entertainingly bad is it? 4

Another SyFy original, this from The Asylum productions, by prolific director Nick Lyon (though this is the first of his films I've reviewed, I think). The president of the U.S. (John Savage) has to eject from Air Force One into the Bermuda Triangle and then there's a military rescue mission. Linda Hamilton is the Admiral in charge. Trevor Donovan is the guy who goes against orders - of course - to do the rescue. Jamie Kennedy plays a doctor who comes in handy as he's an expert in everything they need an expert in. Mya is in there for some reason; she is terrible. There's a tentacled monster that impedes the rescue and it turns out to be extra-terrestrial. There's very poor dialogue, no character development, some laughably bad CGI and only a couple of non-descript sets; all the building interiors look the same and submarines look like airplanes which look like boats. It's played seriously, not for laughs, but there's little to care about.