Should you see it? No. Fans of anyone in the cast should not be deceived.
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds."
Wednesday, January 11, 2017
Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006)
How bad is it? Even the title has flaws.
Should you see it? No. Fans of anyone in the cast should not be deceived.
First the obvious: a guy whose name includes his profession plays an unrelated profession. I don't hate redneck humor or bathroom humor, but this does both very poorly. Larry's sent to posh restaurants to find the source of food poisoning and manages to develop a love interest in a waitress. David Koechner, Tony Hale, Joanna Cassidy, Joe Pantaliano, Lisa Lampanelli, Kid Rock and Jerry Mathers all have roles (the last two mere cameos). The film is nothing but gross-out humor, but it's all completely expected and obvious and there's no interest in the characters or the plot.
Should you see it? No. Fans of anyone in the cast should not be deceived.
Tuesday, January 10, 2017
The Last Airbender (2010)
How bad is it? Overblown, lethargic and uninvolving.
Should you see it? No (but you probably have already).
This has a cult following due to its being based on a cult children's TV show that I think one has to have watched for the film to be intelligible. The film is highly expository, trying to explain the rules of the world of the film and just who everyone is and it drags on forever. M. Night Shyamalan directed and shows that his early successes were flukes; the story begs to be done in animation, the special effects are good (but not the quality one expects given the budget) and they tacked on 3-D. The only actor one will recognize is Dev Patel and he's miscast. The plot involves trying to create harmony among tribes of people who can "bend" earth, air, water or fire.
Should you see it? No (but you probably have already).
Saturday, January 7, 2017
Friday, January 6, 2017
L.A. Slasher (2015)
How bad is it? Too-late satire that puts forth too little effort.
Should you see it? No.
This film has a killer stalking D-list celebrities of reality TV. None of the victims are likeable and the killer isn't interesting and the story sounds like it was written in 1990 (the film, too, is filled with music you would've heard in 1990). Andy Dick is the bad guy. Others of note are Mischa Barton, Eric Roberts, Danny Trejo, Brooke Hogan and Drake Bell, who don't make fun of themselves or even portray themselves very well. The film has excellent cinematography, but either the editing or direction leaves the film listless and dull.
Should you see it? No.
This film has a killer stalking D-list celebrities of reality TV. None of the victims are likeable and the killer isn't interesting and the story sounds like it was written in 1990 (the film, too, is filled with music you would've heard in 1990). Andy Dick is the bad guy. Others of note are Mischa Barton, Eric Roberts, Danny Trejo, Brooke Hogan and Drake Bell, who don't make fun of themselves or even portray themselves very well. The film has excellent cinematography, but either the editing or direction leaves the film listless and dull.
Thursday, January 5, 2017
The Lion of Judah (2011)
How bad is it? Poorly animated Christian story for small children with some problems.
Should you see it? No. (If you're a conservative Christian with small children... maybe.)
First, this is NOT the 2012 documentary with the same title! Ernest Borgnine, Michael Madsen, Sandi Patty, Scott Eastwood and several others do the voices of barnyard animals in Israel during Passover at the time of Christ. Holy animated slapstick crucifixion, Batman! The animation is poor for a theatrical release - the animals all appear to be the same size - and the film seems slow, even with continuous pratfalls. A lamb that calls himself the Lion of Judah is saved from sacrifice by his friends and they eventually learn who the real "Lion of Judah" is. It's a bit weird to see a pig where none are raised and the Biblical meaning of Passover for the Jews is glossed over very broadly, but I suppose this has its audience and they won't care.
Should you see it? No. (If you're a conservative Christian with small children... maybe.)
First, this is NOT the 2012 documentary with the same title! Ernest Borgnine, Michael Madsen, Sandi Patty, Scott Eastwood and several others do the voices of barnyard animals in Israel during Passover at the time of Christ. Holy animated slapstick crucifixion, Batman! The animation is poor for a theatrical release - the animals all appear to be the same size - and the film seems slow, even with continuous pratfalls. A lamb that calls himself the Lion of Judah is saved from sacrifice by his friends and they eventually learn who the real "Lion of Judah" is. It's a bit weird to see a pig where none are raised and the Biblical meaning of Passover for the Jews is glossed over very broadly, but I suppose this has its audience and they won't care.
Wednesday, January 4, 2017
Lightning Bill (1934)
aka Lighting Bill
How bad is it? They couldn't even get the title right.
Should you see it? Bad film fans should, mostly for historical reasons.
This is the film infamous for having the on-screen title wrong; it's listed as "Lighting Bill," which probably ran to about $20 for this film. This is one of the few films of Victor Adamson that is easily found; he taught his son Al how to make cheap terrible westerns in the 1960's (Al went on to make cheap terrible action and horror films, several of which I've reviewed). It stars a bland hero billed as Buffalo Bill, Jr. and is about a guy getting killed, but not before he hides his money. The hero then rescues the guy's daughter from the bad guys and finds the money. Much of the cast looks like they had worked on stage or in silent films and they overact accordingly. The sets are minimal, the direction clumsy. There's the old pass-the-gun trick, some stolen eggs, seeing "spooks" and a final fistfight that would fool no one.
How bad is it? They couldn't even get the title right.
Should you see it? Bad film fans should, mostly for historical reasons.
This is the film infamous for having the on-screen title wrong; it's listed as "Lighting Bill," which probably ran to about $20 for this film. This is one of the few films of Victor Adamson that is easily found; he taught his son Al how to make cheap terrible westerns in the 1960's (Al went on to make cheap terrible action and horror films, several of which I've reviewed). It stars a bland hero billed as Buffalo Bill, Jr. and is about a guy getting killed, but not before he hides his money. The hero then rescues the guy's daughter from the bad guys and finds the money. Much of the cast looks like they had worked on stage or in silent films and they overact accordingly. The sets are minimal, the direction clumsy. There's the old pass-the-gun trick, some stolen eggs, seeing "spooks" and a final fistfight that would fool no one.
Monday, January 2, 2017
Low Blow (1986)
aka Last Fight to Win, aka Deadly Weapon, aka Savage Sunday
How bad is it? Pretty typical very low budget martial arts film. No, worse than that.
Should you see it? If you're a fan of bad martial arts films.
Okay, I'm pretty blase' about this. Leo Fong has been in a few low-rent actioners and has modest talent in both martial arts and acting; here he plays a private detective who rescues a rich girl from a religious cult run by Cameron Mitchell. Troy Donahue shows up. Look for Billy "Tae Bo Infomercial" Banks in a fight. There's a lot of hoeing of fields and a lot of bad parking. There's a power saw to a car, a skull crushed by a foot and a dove butchered in a restaurant. There's bad 1980's synthesizer music, a long stretch where you wonder why the police aren't involved and a buff girl. All of that sounds better than it is.
How bad is it? Pretty typical very low budget martial arts film. No, worse than that.
Should you see it? If you're a fan of bad martial arts films.
Okay, I'm pretty blase' about this. Leo Fong has been in a few low-rent actioners and has modest talent in both martial arts and acting; here he plays a private detective who rescues a rich girl from a religious cult run by Cameron Mitchell. Troy Donahue shows up. Look for Billy "Tae Bo Infomercial" Banks in a fight. There's a lot of hoeing of fields and a lot of bad parking. There's a power saw to a car, a skull crushed by a foot and a dove butchered in a restaurant. There's bad 1980's synthesizer music, a long stretch where you wonder why the police aren't involved and a buff girl. All of that sounds better than it is.
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