Lap Dancing (1995)

How bad is it? It's a movie about lap dancing - what do you expect... Othello?
Should you see it? No. It wouldn't hurt much, but there's no reason to see it.

Released to capitalize on "Showgirls," this is about a girl who moves to Hollywood, can't get a role as an actress, gets convinced to become a stripper and starts thinking she might be bisexual. The lead male character is blind, one dancer has a violent boyfriend and one is a nympho. In the end, the girl gets a role in a film (go figure). There's a lot of silicone on display, but not much acting. The dialogue often is drowned by the music, which, if you've ever been to a strip club, makes that the one realistic thing.

Lake Placid 2 (2007)

How bad is it? Unneeded sequel that squanders the original's value.
Should you see it? No. That also goes for the other sequels of Lake Placid.

I enjoyed "Lake Placid." This sequel returns John Schneider and substitutes Chloris Leachman for Betty White, but while the original had Bridget Fonda, Bill Pullman, Oliver Platt and Mariska Hargitay, this one substitutes brief nudity for them. The CGI is poor, even for a film that premiered on the SciFi network and the plot is nothing other than people vs. crocodiles (which are weird for Maine, but I'll let that pass). This is actually worse than the (so far) 3 MORE sequels that followed: Lake Placid 3 (2010), Lake Placid: The Final Chapter (2012) and Lake Placid vs Anaconda (2015).

Legacy of Satan (1974)

How bad is it? Shambling unscary but very weird horror flick.
Should you see it? If you like cheap films that strive to be different, yes.

This is one of the least likely films to have had a Blu-Ray release, double-billed with Andy Milligan's "Blood." It's only 65 minutes long and appears to have been a story for a porn film that morphed into a stab at legitimate cinema (it's by the director of "Deep Throat"). A young woman is targeted by a devil cult to be their bride/queen. She's actually kind of into it! There's a very heavy Moog synthesizer score and hallucinatory saturated psychedelic color and lighting, making it very "arty" but the acting is feeble and the story goes nowhere. A painting cries blood. A sword glows (one of the worst effects imaginable). A monster inexplicably appears and disappears without comment. If you've ever said a film looked like porn with all the sex cut out, compare it to this.

Lady Street Fighter (1981)

aka Deadly Games, aka Woman in Anger

How bad is it? Holy moly, this one reeks.
Should you see it? Read the review, decide for yourself (that's a "maybe").

Directed by the same guy who did The Executioner II, this was shot in the mid-1970's and released later, with what appears to be a Kraftwerk tribute/Ennio Morricone cover band soundtrack and dubbed voices. The lead actress, pushing 50, is almost unintelligible when she speaks and when she strips, is not exactly what you were hoping for. Liz Renay also strips, and she's not a whole lot better. Oh, right, plot: a woman seeks revenge for the killing of her twin. Said revenge ends up being poorly staged fight scenes after an orgy where people chant "Toga Toga Toga," our star sucks celery suggestively, our star licks her phone, some guy licks her foot and a "retarded" girl in a sex club hugs a stuffed dog named Bow-Wowie which may or may not contain evidence of a crime. Really, the plot makes no sense and is hard to follow.

As Stabford Deathrage would say: recommended for people who like things that suck.

Little Man (2006)

aka Littleman

How bad is it? It's not the worst Wayans brothers film, but that's faint praise indeed.
Should you see it? I can't see why you would.

Laurel and Hardy did the adult-as-baby thing in "Brats," so updating that could've been funny. Even Bugs Bunny had "Babyface Finster," a similar idea, and that worked. Here, an adult's face is placed by CGI onto a child's body and there's some funny bits (but not enough for a feature film). The film reportedly cost $60,000,000 to make, the preposterousness of which is exceeded only by the fact that the movie made money ($100,000,000 gross). The plot: a diminutive criminal tries to recover a stolen diamond stashed in the house of a couple that want a child, so he pretends to be one. Babies are inherently gross, so breastfeeding jokes and diaper jokes are expected, but guys get hit in the crotch at least a dozen times. The film derails when it becomes a "Home Alone" clone with toys as makeshift weapons. Besides the Wayans family and their usual cast (David Alan Grier, Kerry Washington) one finds Chazz Palminteri, Tracy Morgan, Molly Shannon, Fred Stoller, Alex Borstein and Rob Schneider (uncredited as Dinosaur Rex).

The Last of the American Hoboes (1967)

aka The Last American Hobo

How bad is it? Almost a home movie documentary. Very poor technically.
Should you see it? Fans of the cast should. It's been hard to find (whenever I say this, the film winds up on YouTube or gets a DVD release).

I saw this in the 1970's as part of a group of indie documentaries, so my memory of it is vague at best. Titus Moede (billed as Titus Moody), from Ray Dennis Steckler films, wrote and directed and has a role. Coleman Francis and Bruno Ve Sota also show up, so this was a rare weird meeting of several zero-budget filmmakers. The film shows stories of actual hoboes re-staged by actors and some footage of real hoboes (perhaps some interviews - as I said, my memory's not strong). It ends with the annual hobo convention in Iowa, complete with hobo stew and choosing a king/queen. It was made over many years and is very choppy in construction.

Love Thrill Murders (1971)

aka Sweet Savior

How bad is it? Pretty typical Manson-inspired film of its time.
Should you see it? Only if you want to see Troy Donahue play a sociopath.

I actually saw this when it came out - seriously dating myself - by sneaking into a drive-in. It got released on VHS by Troma but I haven't seen it on DVD; it's also on YouTube. Troy Donahue plays "Moon," a charismatic cult leader obviously based on Charles Manson who keeps people close with drugs, sex and politics. There's an orgy scene and a bunch of murders at the end, but Moon gets away just to ride his hog past American institutions so he can give them the finger. All the interiors look like the same one or two rooms. The film is cheap exploitation, but not terrible for that genre.